What's Up With The Oxmorn?

Oct 28, 2024

4 min read

HOOD NOOZ : Nooz You Can Yooz – Straight From Tha Streetz

Reid Stevens

The Oxmorn steps on a bright sunny day. Seemingly safe, right, except there wasn’t anyone standing to the left of the cameraman when the shot was taken. Spooky AF, right?!

Happy Halloween, party people! It’s your pal Sketchy Stevens here and boy do I have a goody for your treat bag today! You know that trippy-looking old building right in the middle of the defunct side of town? The one that looks like an Art Deco boner? The sign out front is a little hard to read, but it’s called the Oxmorn, and it’s got ALL the bad vibes, dudes! Some people even claim it’s haunted! Well guess what? This intrepid reporter went to check it out. I couldn’t actually get in, unless I wanted another breaking and entering charge, haha. I did, however, manage to interview a few of the good folks who roam the area. Is the Oxmorn haunted? Read on and decide!

My first interview was with Tweaky Pete, the Can Man. You might know ol’ Tweak, or maybe you’ve seen him digging around looking for recyclables. Dude’s gotta eat, right? Anyway, here’s what he had to say about the Oxmorn:

“Well, I was campin’ out there one night, ya know, kinda in the back where them old dumpsters are? Had my cans and shit with me and everything, ya know? Even had me a couple of beers. Found ‘em in the trash behind the Glenwood Apartments. People will throw out anything, ya know?

(I had to remind Tweak that we were talking about the Oxmorn here)

“Oh yeah right. Anyways, I was just chillin’ drinkin’ my beers, mindin’ my own business, ya know? And I hear this godawful screech comin’ from the Oxmorn, somewhere on the ground floor. It didn’t sound right, ya know? Like it was muffled or somethin’. There was a light shinin’ through one of the windows, but it was kinda flickerin’ on and off, ya know? Like one of them strobe light things. I heard that screechin’ sound again, and it sounded far away, like it was comin’ from underground, ya know? Man, I grabbed my shit and high-tailed it outta there! I ain’t never heard anything like that in my life!”

I met up with a girl named Star a few hours later. She’s a dancer down at the Glow Worm. She only agreed to talk to me if I bought her a burger and a root beer. Here’s her creepy experience with the Oxmorn:

“I had to walk past that building a couple of times after my shift was over. My car was broken down and I didn’t have the money for a cab. The first night was cool, nothing happened, but there was this, I don’t know, weird sensation that someone was watching me. Kinda creeped me out a little.

“The second night, I happened to look up and saw, I don’t know, something falling from the roof. At first, I thought it was a big bird or something, maybe an owl kinda swooping down, but no. It was like smoke in a human shape, if that makes any sense. I could have sworn I heard some music too, like really faint. Some old-school song about clovers or something. Gave me the absolute creeps. I heard some girl jumped off the roof there a long time ago, like back in the hippie days. Maybe that was her ghost? I’m glad I got my car fixed, because yeah, that scared the shit out of me. And you know what’s really weird? I never really noticed that building before. I mean, obviously it was there, but… I dunno. Weird”

After a bit of research, I can confirm that a girl actually did take a header off the roof at the Oxmorn quite a few years ago. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not!

My final interview was with a lovely lady who goes by the name Granny McFee. She’s a fortune teller/palm reader, and has a little shop over on Electric Avenue. She didn’t want to talk to me unless I promised to run an ad for her shop in Hood Nooz. Look for it in next week’s edition. Here’s what Granny had to say:

“A lot of bad juju in that old place. My family kinda knew Robert Oxmorn way back before I was born. I should say they knew of him; he wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with poor folks like us. Weird fella, from what I heard. Didn’t allow no women in the building when it was new. That right there is bad juju too, if you ask me. Anyway, a lot of deaths happened there. Lot of deaths. Some guy named Hillburn or Hillborn killed his entire family there. If that building ain’t haunted, I’ll eat my hat. For people like me, though… you can feel it. You can just feel it when you walk by.

“Me and my sister had to walk past there one time when we missed the bus and didn’t want to wait for the next one. We both heard what sounded like flies, lots and lots of them. Only it was inside our heads, like we both had a swarm of flies in our skulls. A big stink rose up, like something dead. Made us almost puke. Then, the worst part, we heard a scream that couldn’t have come from anything of this world. Yeah, we got the hell out of there in a fast hurry.”

(At this point in the conversation, Granny McFee leaned forward, so close I could see her chin whiskers and smell the tobacco on her breath)

“You’d be wise to stay the hell away from that place, young man. You hear? Listen to Granny and believe what I say. That ain’t no place for anyone to be near.”

So there you have it, party people. Creepy tales of the Oxmorn as told by the good folks who’ve experienced them. If you want to check it out for yourselves, be my guest. But don’t say you haven’t been warned!